Shadows
by Aina Riddle
Summary: Jill has a secret she has kept hidden about her past. Now that she's expecting, memories come to her, unbidden, and she fears that she cannot raise her and Skye's child properly. Written for the Village Square contest themed 'Secrets'.


**A/N: **I'm entering this in the Village Square contest with the theme 'Secrets'. This is my first contest, so I hope it doesn't go over too bad.

To those who read my other story, I wrote this first because after having not written in so long I didn't want to be rusty when I finally updated, which will be soon btw. I'll tell my reasons when I do update.

**Warning: **Mentions of child abuse/neglect, but nothing graphic, seriously.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harvest Moon.

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_Did you know that being left alone in absolute darkness can drive a person crazy? I did…and I still do…_

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**Shadows**

"I should get going Lumina, I promised Skye that I would make him some white curry tonight; he's been wanting some for a while." I speak my excuse and Lumina grins, still finding it funny that the thief everyone had tried to get me to catch had become my husband. I'm just glad she doesn't resent me for stealing her crush, because I don't want to be alone again.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow! I'm going to help Sebastian make dinner, because I swear Rock's stomach is a bottomless pit." She rolls her eyes at the thought of her newly acquired husband's eating habits and I give her a small, distracted grin of my own, the shadows growing outside taking most of my attention.

"Good night, Lumina," I say quietly when I realize she noticed my anxiety about the night falling beyond her windows. I listen to the soft thumps of my boots as I cross the floor towards the front door in an attempt to ignore her question.

"Are you afraid of the dark, Jill…?" The door shuts behind me and I let out a sigh of relief as I lean against the heavy wood before I begin walking towards the farm.

The snow crunches under my feet and I smile at the orange hue the setting sun causes it to take, ignoring the movements on the edges of my vision. I just need to focus on the light and ignore the shadows; they can't get me if there's light. I look away from the snow and another sigh of relief escapes me when I see my home, the golden glow from the fire Skye must be tending shining from the windows and helping me calm as the movements stop when I get close enough to the light. The shadows can't get me now.

"Hello Beautiful," Skye whispers in my ear as soon as I enter the room and I lean back against him as he wraps his arms around me and places a kiss to my temple.

"Hello Love," I reply, closing my eyes and just enjoying his presence. As long as he's near I have nothing to fear. He's my love, my husband, and my light. I smile as I smell the delightful scent of curry coming from him, stronger than usual, and I realize he must have made dinner already. "That smells delicious." He chuckles at my words as I turn around and bury my face into his chest.

"Me or the food?" I smile and shrug, my blushing face still hidden, and he moves back in mock offense. "You don't know? Oh, the horror I face when I think that my cooking smells even better than me!" Letting out a laugh, I stand on my tiptoes and place a kiss on his lips, which he returns with vigor before I pull back.

"Of course you smell better, my egotistical prince." I grin and he rolls his eyes with a grin of his own as we move to the already set table. He knows I always come in before the sun sets since I do most of the work in the morning and he does what's left at night either before or after I get home. I think he suspects, but I know he doesn't know. No one does.

"So Dr. Hardy came by today with the results from your check up yesterday," Skye begins and from his tone I can tell he's leading up to something. He begins to eat, not continuing his story until I say something.

"Oh?" I smile as he fakes a pout at my lack of response and he begins speaking again.

"Well, he had some news, because it turns out that you're…" Skye trails off and I look at him, setting my fork down. The news can't be bad if he's building up the suspense like this, but I don't know what can get him this excited. A feeling of dread fills my stomach as I realize just what he might be implying and I prepare myself to look excited when he does say it.

"I'm what?" I ask and he stands and walks over to me, running his hand through my unbound brown hair as he leans down and whispers next to my ear.

"You're pregnant." He sounds so delighted that I plant a smile of my own on my face and kiss him. The ball of dread grows and settles, but I don't let him see because I should be excited as well.

"I am? Wow…" We settle into a seemingly comfortable silence as he lets me process this news while we eat. Inside though, I'm in turmoil. I don't want to have kids because I don't want their childhoods to be bad. I don't know what it's like to be a good parent and I don't want them to be scared like me. I don't want the shadows to get them too, like they got me.

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I feel Skye's smooth skin leave mine as he leaves the bed and I pretend to still be asleep as he dresses and places a soft kiss to my forehead before he leaves the house. My eyes are open as soon as the door clicks shut and I jump up, reaching under the bed and prying open the floorboard to get a candle. I light it with the small bit of fire magic that Skye and April, the Witch Princess, had managed to teach me and I move to sit on a chair by the table, away from the shadows under the bed.

Skye doesn't think I know, but he leaves every night. I know he's not with another woman, no, because I know he's stealing. I can't say anything though because I was the one who married a thief. I don't care if he steals though, I just don't like being alone. I don't want to be alone again and if he gets caught or hurt I will be. No, I won't, I'll have my unborn baby that I doubt I can raise properly with me. I rest my hand on my stomach at that thought and a memory comes unbidden before my eyes.

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_Daddy? It's so dark, daddy, I'm scared._

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_Daddy? Where are you? I'm scared and it's dark and cold… Where are you? Why won't you let me out, daddy…?_

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_I can't see my hands daddy, where are my hands? It's so dark, the monsters I hear will get me daddy, the shadows will get me daddy… It's so cold, I can't feel my hands, I don't have any hands to fight the monsters, daddy!_

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_Why won't you talk to me, daddy…? They hurt me, daddy, the shadows, they hurt me… I couldn't stop them, daddy, `cause I don't have hands. The dark took away my hands. I can't see my legs either…I can't run, daddy…I have no legs… I can't feel them, so that means they aren't there, right?_

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_Please…daddy, let me out… I'm scared… I don't remember what you look like daddy… Are you even real…? Did you leave me like my legs and hands…?…I don't want to be alone anymore, daddy…. Please…_

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_Daddy…?_

_Keep her eyes covered! We have to let them adjust to light slowly. How could he do this to such a beautiful child…? Can you hear me, Sweetie? We're here to help you._

_Daddy…? Did you let me out, daddy…? Are my hands and legs going to come back like you did…?_

_Shit! She has signs of frostbite, but I think we can save everything. That man, I swear I'm going to see him die._

_Daddy…? Why won't you answer? Did you leave me all alone again, with these strangers?_

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I shake my head to rid myself of my memories as I clutch the blanket closer to ward away the cold and lean closer to the light of the candle to get away from the shadows. They can't hurt me, because I know I had been the one to hurt myself when my father shut me in that cold, underground room when my mom had died. I had thought it was the monsters hidden in the shadows hurting me when really I was hurting myself with my "lost" hands. It was horrible and I don't want my children to have to face something like that because that's all I can remember when it comes to how I was raised before Jack adopted me, quitting his job at the hospital and becoming a farmer like his father; I don't want to hurt them…but I can hardly remember my time with Jack before he was killed two years ago in a typhoon, my past being overshadowed by those early memories, so I don't know how to _not_ hurt them.

"Jill…?" I jump as I hear a voice behind me and I turn to see Skye, the candlelight reflecting off of his silver hair and making it look orange. "Why are you crying, Beautiful? Did I scare you by leaving? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"No…" I shake my head, my voice trembling from the crying I didn't realize I was doing. "It's not that…" I stopped for a moment, my voice catching in my throat, and I realize that I'm tired of hiding my secret past. I don't like there being secrets between us. "I just don't want to be alone in the dark again; I need you, because you're my light…"

"I won't ever leave you, I love you… Tell me what's wrong, why are you so scared of the dark?" He kneels in front of me, taking my hands in his own as his perfect cyan eyes look into my tear-filled violet ones.

"I'm not scared," I say with a self-deprecating laugh. "I'm _terrified_ of it." And I tell him, I tell him everything knowing that he might leave me. He deserves to know though; he need to stop me from ever trying to get rid of my child like my father did to me. He needs to know that every night he leaves me alone I sit in this chair with one of my candles and sometimes the bottle of scotch hidden beneath my floorboard. I won't drink that now though, not now that I'm pregnant, and I guess that's why I avoided drinking it these past couple of months, because I guess I already knew but refused to accept it. At least I can do one thing right…

When Skye pulls me into an embrace, muttering reassurances in my ear that I'll be a wonderful mother and he'll make sure of it, I know that for some strange reason he still wants me. He'll still be my light. He even promises to not leave at night, and even though I feel guilty, I smile because I won't be alone anymore.

As we settle in for the night once again, with Skye never letting me go, I know there's one last thing I have to say.

"Did you know that being left alone in absolute darkness can drive a person crazy?" He lifts his hand and runs it down my cheek in reassurance to my question.

"I will always love you, crazy or not." He says this as if it's his most treasured secret and as I search his face I realize it is. No one had known the extent of his love for me until now, and I let a true smile come to my face as I kiss him and let our intertwined hands rest upon my stomach and our baby.

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**A/N:** And that's my entry, good luck to everyone who enters and even if I don't win I hope y'all enjoyed it nontheless.


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